Feb 03

Edward I of England arrives on the Scottish-English border to conquer the Scots.

He brings 4,000 men with him. As he nears the battlefield there suddenly appears a solitary figure on the crest of the hill. A short, ginger-haired guy in a kilt. ‘Come up here, ya English bastards, and I’ll give ye a hammerin’!’

Edward turns to his commander. ‘Send 20 men to deal with that little Scottish upstart, he says. The commander sends twenty of his best men over the hill to kill the Scotsman.

Ten minutes later, at the crest of the hill, the little Scot appears again. ‘Ya English diddies!’ he yells, ‘Come on the rest of ye!! Come on, I’ll take ye all on!’

Edward is getting somewhat annoyed. He turns to his commander. ‘Send 100 men to kill that little shite!’ The commander sends 100 men Over the hill to do the job.

Ten minutes later, the little Scot appears at the top of the hill once more, his hair all sticking up, his shirt a wee bit torn. ‘Ya English SCUM!’ he yells, ‘I’m just warming up!! Come and get me, Ya English pricks!!’

Edward losses patience, ‘Commander, take 400 men and personally wipe that little bastard off the face of the earth!’ he yells.. The commander gulps, but leads four Hundred men on horseback over the crest of the hill.

Ten minutes later, the little Scotsman is back. His clothing is all torn, his face is covered in blood. ‘Is that the best ye can do??? You’re bloody WUMMIN!!! Come on!! Come and have a go, ya bunch of English pussies!!!’ he yells.

Edward turns to his second in command. ‘Take 1,000 men over that hill and don’t come back till you’ve killed that little red haired bastard!’ he commands. The second in command gathers the men and they ride off over the hill to their fate.

Ten minutes later, one of the English troops appears back at the top of the hill. Covered in blood, his clothes all torn off his back.

‘Your Majesty!’ he yells, ‘It’s a trap!!! There’s two of them!!!’

Leave a Reply